Artistic Uncertainty

Once I got my first pack of beads home with the tools the free pattern said I would need  I created my first necklace for myself.  Brown seed beads with some gold spacers.  The beading stringing was easy, but the finishing was messy.  After a few tries, and drops–  I hadn’t purchased a bead stopper and I’ve always been clumsy.  I had a necklace that didn’t fall apart and was wearable.

However something told me, since it wasn’t purchased at the store so it wasn’t good enough.  If it was so easy why do people buy pieces that look like this?  You can’t really wear that.  I wasn’t raised to make things.  I was taught my worth was in what I did not what I made.  Despite having the proof in my hands that I could make something of value, I still wasn’t sure.

This necklace was no masterpiece as I didn’t use the right type of stringing material for seed beads so it hung awkwardly.  The string was exposed and it was a bit off center, but it was my creation and– if it wasn’t examined too closely–it was cute.

I wore it to work half expecting someone to make a comment good or bad. I was proud of myself for having made it but would’ve been devastated had someone said something negative.  Neither happened.  My homemade necklace was just like any other basic piece of costume jewelry I’d ever worn.  I used neutral colors and I wore neutral colors so it didn’t stand out.

I was both relieved and disappointed.  My ability was validated, but I also wanted my work to be noticed.  What’s the point of making it myself if it looks like everything else? That was my entry into the world of Artistic Expression.  It’s been a great ride.

Happy Creating

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